a final goodbye

We said our final goodbye to Kuya Boogie yesterday. It's quite hard to believe that someone so full of life, loud with laughter and a heart so open is now gone. I always still picture him lording it over the barbecue pit with his array of turkey wings, mussels, pork chops; with a beer in hand telling stories and just being jovial. I can hear his loud laugh in my head over and over, I can see him cooking up a storm in his kitchen, I can see him talking with his boys about this, that and the other, I can see him addicted to his computer game unable to look away or even answer the phone - he still seems very much alive.

Well, I suspect he is in many ways. He left a wife, three children and many friends reduced to tears, shaking with grief, many of them grown men who would never have wanted anyone to see them in this state. He didn't believe he had many friends, but when they came in droves to his bedside at the hospice, he was pleasantly surprised that he had touched the lives of so many people. At his wake, it seemed that an entire baranggay* and the next one over had turned out to keep vigil with him. Even those that he had picked fights with at one time or another were struck with saddness at his untimely departure because they knew that despite his rough edges and his honest nature, he was a good man with only the best intentions at heart.

There is much to be sad about: that a man of 40 had to leave this world so soon, that he will not be able to witness his three young children grow up, that his wife will have to struggle, cope and finally adjust to a new life. But there is also much to be thankful for: that he did not die a violent, sudden death, that he was able to say goodbye to all his loved ones, and that he was able to sort out his life in the last few weeks and realize that he had a good ride while it lasted. There were still many things he wanted to do, but he also realized that he had lived a full life thus far - enough that he could finally let go of his suffering and be assured that his wife and the boys would have the support that they would need in the coming days.

Although he fought to the very last breath to stay alive, I'm sure he'd already battled the demons within him and had a sense of excitement of what comes next. It just seems difficult to let go of life not really knowing what will become of our consciousness once we cross the line. How do we know that it really is the end, or if there will be some sort of light guiding us to another place (he did speak of seeing a bright light more than once)? It's a source of great fear and curiosity. But in my mind, Boogie is still as he always will be - arguing one minute and laughing out loud the next. I'm sure he's having a cold one surrounded by the smokey scent of ribs on the fire, somewhere. I raise my glass - to you, Boogie - it won't be hard to keep you in our memories!

*baranggay = village

7:22 AM | |