I just found out this morning that a friend's father has passed away after a bout with cancer. She and her husband have cut their Labor Day vacation short to fly out to New York for the funeral. It's hard to think of what to say when someone loses a loved one or someone very close to them. You offer condolence and say you're sorry, but it always feels inadequate. On the other hand, I try not to say too much more for fear of sounding idiotic or as if I knew how they felt because even if I understand that there must be grief, truly I never do. I'm sure each person experiences grief in their own way and they deal with a tremendous loss as they only know how. Even if you've come to know a person - shared many moments together laughing, drinking, smoking, fighting - I don't think you can ever really know their emotional character. Especially in a time of great upheavel. So, the best thing I can do is to just let them know that help, if needed in any form, will be given.
Over the years, we've had many friends that have lost their fathers. I remember one particular friend who lost his father shortly before Christmas. It was particularly sad because his parents had come home to Manila to spend Christmas with the entire family who were finally together after some years. Dino and I and some other friends had sat with him at the wake, talking about his parents. Then he told us about a dream he had a day or two after his father had died. In the dream, it was Christmas day and his dad had given him his present. They were joking around, talking and his father had asked him to open his present. It was a striped shirt with particular colors (if I remember correctly). He thanked his dad, and they talked some more about this and that before the dream ended. When he had finally opened the real Christmas present from his dad, it was the same shirt in the dream. He started to laugh and said that he liked to think that it wasn't a dream at all, but that his father had come to visit him just to let him know what his present was so that he wouldn't expect much. After that, he told more funny stories about his dad who had become so accustomed to living in America that he often complained why things in Manila weren't they way they were back in America. Our friend loved his father we could tell. He had grief we could see. But he chose to laugh and remember the good, funny things about his father. And though we never knew the man, we could also see that his humorous spirit lived on in his son.
7:31 AM | |
