Is that a snake in the bathroom, or just a loose roll of toilet paper?

Several years ago, I remember vaguely that there was this vague rumor that a giant snake was running loose in a Robinson’s Galleria Mall bathroom. Or was it in the basement? Like I said, the memory and rumor are a fuzzy snapshot. Apparently, it was anacondian in strength and size and swallowed people up. Maybe the bathroom wasn't being cleaned enough, who knows. Anyway, just about the only thing I dread when going to the Philippines are the bathrooms. I try not to be a priss in these matters, but you know, nothing beats the comfort of your own bathroom, whether you choose to clean it weekly or monthly or … never. It's knowing when the last time you cleaned it was, if you remember at all. In any case, you are the only one who uses it mostly, thereby you are the only one bestowing it of its current level of cleanliness/grossness. And yes, I'm very comfortable with that.

But, in Manila, a city of millions, any public bathroom is subject to millions of users on a daily basis. Multiply that bacteria factor and you’ve virtually got an outbreak. Maybe I exaggerate, but I'm OCD about washing my hands. And toilet seat covers. And flushing. I've grown up with flushing bathrooms, running water in sinks and those kind of luxuries, but I also know that water is really quite hard to come by in some cities. I did spend a considerable amount of time on the UP Diliman campus (no water–ironically, it's situated next to the Metropolitan Waterworks and Sewerage System), so I know where the good bathrooms used to be–NEC building–if the water didn't actually run, they had drums and tabo standing by for your washing pleasure, and where to dare not go–Library–good god, can we get some fresh air in there?! I know it might be too much to ask for some toilet paper and a bit of soap to wash your hands after doing the deed, but really, I don't understand how some just become the unholy of unclean lavatories.

I remember this photograph that was passed around for weeks between the UP Mountaineers and UP ORG as people glared in awe, disgust, or sheer joy and utter horror. It was a photo that Romeo Lee had taken of a toilet at some bus station that he happened upon on his return from a climb. It was fascinating on all levels. I would show you the picture if I could get my hands on it, but I don't have it, and I don't want you to loose your lunch or dinner just yet. All I have is an all too vivid memory of it overflowing with a million people's poo. Yes, you read right–a million people's poo. I feel all funny inside just thinking about it. OK, it may not have been a million people, but I can sure as hell tell you that there were at least 5 people that used that particular unflushable toilet, without a trace of toilet paper in the mix. How do I know this? Because the poo came in varying colors and textures and there was just a sheer ungodly amount of it. Grossed out yet? Me too. How Lee even had the mind to take a photograph of it is beyond me. Remember the scene in Trainspotting where Ewan McGregor has to go and he steps inside the "dirtiest toilet in Scotland"? This was most probably, likely, the grossest toilet in Manila, hands down.

So it was with great trepidation that I ventured out into the malls and public places of Manila (more than 10 years after that clear as day photo), daring not to eat or drink too much before going out. Except for when we finally went to have a sit down at a restaurant called Cyma that supposedly had excellent food (it was pretty good) but the worst service (pretty bad). I usually need to visit the ladies' room after drinking gallons of calamansi juice with a big meal, so with great caution I asked where the best bathroom was. Apparently, in Shangri-la Plaza, there's a free one and one that cost P10. Naturally, I went to the ten-peso one, taking into consideration the not-so-old adage: You get what you pay for. A lady at a counter collects your money, hands you an orange ticket for a "lounge pass", and you're given the go ahead to enter said bathrooms. All I can say is, it was completely worth my ten-peso coin. There were rolls of toilet paper, flushing toilets, and lo and behold, soap to wash your hands with at a sink that had running water! Holy bathroom! OH! But what about those pink men's urinals in the middle of the sidewalks along Quezon Memorial Circle?! I guess that's another story …

9:52 PM | |